The steaks are overpriced.". You've got more chance Of being handcuffed by ghosts, Pussy Galore If your opponent can't remember whether he shot a six or a seven on the hole, chances are he had an 8 on it. When we get government off the backs of our job creators, small businesses have a better chance of thriving. I was administering an achievement test to David, a precocious six-year-old, and I began by asking him when his birthday was. You've got more chance You've got more chance than being kicked by a snake, No way could you do that. 2. St. Peter was outraged. Back on the phone, the guy says, Okay, now what?. ", HR Manager says, "Of course, but you started it.". Not much of a man, was he? says one of the bikers. 28. They think were at McDonalds, he said. Bartender, my friends and I would like a cold one, says one of the eggs. After finishing our Chinese food, my husband and I cracked open our fortune cookies. I asked if she wasnt afraid the little boy would be crushed. Sorry, but I didnt know what to do, she said, getting into the car. Ive lived here under five different ministers, and each new one has been worse than the last.. | 28/03/2017 In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. ", The science students answered, "It is impossible! One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years. No way could you do that. Interviewer: You're hired. My husband was building shelves in our bedroom and, intending to continue his work the next day, left some tools on my dresser, including a hammer, screwdriver, and chisel. Just look at all the joints! Immediately, one of the men took off his boots, pulled out a pair of track shoes, and began putting them on. The man replies, "I don't care about what you think!". That way, you're not still talking when the audience is meant to be laughing. At which point the engineers slide the one ticket through a ventilation slot and the conductor punches it. You've got more chance of eating a Samoan Vindaloo and not suffering a rectal prolapse in the morning, No way could you do that. Join. One woman came into the first floor. See TOP 20 Better chance of from collection of 3955 jokes and puns rated by visitors. After writing a speech for class, my daughter asked for input. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. They spot a buck, and each take turns to try and bag it. We cant outrun that bear, even with jogging shoes., Who cares about the bear? the first hiker replied. Especially girls, but any kids exposed to music programs and arts programs do much better on their tests. Not at all, she answered. You've got more chance of beating Emerald weapon with only Cait Sith in your party, No way could you do that. Thank you, maam, she replied. Next, check out another 100 things turning 100 in 2022. It is a medical fact that children can have a better chance in life with better looks, better health and more vigor if the teeth, nose, throat and mouth are taken proper care of at the crucial time of childhood. Steven Wright, I was already a nervous wreck about my upcoming surgery. |. They were getting a little ANSI. They'd crack each other up. That child is spoiled, isnt he? the old man remarked. It draws people together in ways that trigger healthy physical and emotional changes in the body. Hmm, says the physicist, You mean that some Scottish sheep are black. Additional research by Lucie Turkel and Greg Daugherty. You've got more chance finding a girl that won't laugh at the size of your junk, No way could you do that. That's a group of blind firemen. I'm struggling with what is epic. Are you joking? How is a woman like a condom? I stand a lot better chance to go further than Elton. What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle? Most Famous Better Chance Quotes of All Time! You've got more chance Shoving cooked spaghetti up a mountain lions ass, No way could you do that. But thanks for the warning just the same.. Customer: Do you have any two-watt, 4-volt bulbs? Besides, we got soaking wet., How come? asked a friend. And that . | 20/11/2020 #change; #challenges; Actually, there's nothing I know for sure because I know for sure that things change. With access to all necessary information to monitor the markets, this regulator would have a better chance of identifying and limiting the impact of future speculative bubbles. You've got more chance finding a jew in the SS, No way could you do that. Credit: Canva 5. When asked what she had learned, she sighed, hopelessly. Why do you suppose your grandmother reads the Bible so much? he asked. Two old friends, Ned and John, lived for baseball. (1 in 112 million) Being killed in a terrorist attack on an airline. |. I always laugh and smile at your jokes even when they're not funny. Shoot! she screamed to her husband. Absolutely hilarious better chance of jokes! He writes down the serial number of the ball and looks it up. My best job was being a musician, but eventually, I found I wasn't noteworthy. Therefore, all dogs are cats 1. No way could you do that. With a pile of 300 resumes on his desk and a need to pick someone quickly, my boss told me to make calls on 50 and toss the rest. Are you coming or going?, If I knew that, said the other, I wouldnt be here., At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, Thats the fourth time youve gone back for ice cream and cake. I made a decision to do different things. Turn off my electric blanket.. You cant believe everything you hearbut you can repeat it. All I have to worry about is outrunning you.. 80 percent of employed men wear spectacles 3. A Mathematician, an engineer, and a physicist were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train. You've got more chance Fucking a dead nun. Shes thrown a bridal bouquet often enough to have pitched a nine-inning game.Eddie Cantor, Two Hollywood children of oft-divorced parents got into an argument. A last-minute filer walked into our state income tax office and handed me his returns. You have to have talent to some extent - I certainly hope I have talent - but you have to have luck as well. Jul 10, 2014 at 23:46. They have a better chance of going to college. You've got more chance Of shitting on the moon, No way could you do that. Happiness is contagious. Golfer: I would move both heaven and earth to get a birdie today. It all happened so fast.Debby Carter. Welcome to the 2023 World Baseball Classic power rankings, where we dissect the 20 teams participating in this year's international showcase. Cy N. Peace, The sailor and his girl had been having a disagreement; she was crying and he was trying to comfort her. A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes. |. ZekeTheGeek 1. You want a good one even more if you get a bad one. 641 - Craig Ferguson . Isnt it time she got a place of her own?, My mother? replied Helen. No, its okay, Mom replied. When finished, I pointed to a little girl in front and asked, Now do you know what I do?. We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. ", The medical students answered, "This is a joke, right? The young father took a seat on the bus next to an elderly man and plopped his one-year-old on his lap, just as the little boy began to cry and fidget. |, No way could you do that. Telling dark humor jokes is a toss-up, but it's always better to take the risk! How do you do it? What do you do if your wife starts smoking? When we can stay objective and remove ourselves from other people's roller-coaster psychology, we have a much better chance of moving through the situation positively. Mary L. Sauermann, about the Jets cocktail? Time to be a hero and rescue some wine from a bottle. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through the recreational area?". At least their work will have a distinctive character, and this is what people respond to, I believe. While I was making farewell visits before moving to a new parish, an elderly member of the congregation paid me the compliment of suggesting that my successor would not be as good as I had been. What could be worse?, The doctor answers, Ive been trying to reach you since yesterday.. Our benefits take effect on the date of hire. A man tells his doctor that he's incapable of doing all the things around the house that he used to do. Close your mouth when you chew. Me: I don't know when to quit. No way could you do that. You've got more chance of knitting fog, No way could you do that. I don't mind going up to people when I'm out. ", A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. Laughter strengthens your immune system, boosts mood, diminishes pain, and protects you from the damaging effects of stress. The letter the university sent me said that I had won the Las Vegas Strip Scholarship, named after the street with all the major hotels. We had just gotten to the part about reserve parachutes when another student raised his hand. You've got more chance of getting a blowy off the Queen! For the first three weeks, Depp has paraded his witnesses through the Virginia courtroom, with all of them calling him a gentleman and Heard a liar. A few weeks later, Ned heard someone calling his name. Then one day, John died, leaving Ned inconsolable. -OK, I'm about to send the TCP joke. Chance Quotes. There's only one thing that's better than a good joke: a joke so bad that it's good. This is the Internal Revenue Service. You've got more chance of the queen allowing you to play with her mutton flaps, No way could you do that. After an hour without any luck, he asked, Do you think we ought to try chumming?, His companion, a novice at fishing, looked toward the house on the distant shore, then replied, We might as well. You've got more chance Shoving cooked spaghetti up a mountain lion's ass. I can tell you this: That spider never knew what hit him. Make your thinking as funny as possible. Gillett, At the bank where I am a teller, a couple with three large dogs in their minivan pulled up to my drive-in window. |, No way could you do that. Is Samuel Jones a member of your congregation?, One Sunday, a minister played hooky from church so he could shoot a round of golf. Erma Bombeck, Publishers-Hall Syndicate, RELATED: Mom Memes Mothers Will Find Hilariously Relatable. I'm crazy about you, but would I ever confess this? "Communication is the foundation of a good relationship." (Sometimes identifying abuse can be tricky when you're in the situation so if you're in doubt, make sure you know the signs your partner is emotionally abusive .) Turn off my electric blanket.. you cant believe everything you hearbut you can repeat it. `` point engineers... When they 're not funny that bear, even with jogging shoes., Who about... Even when they 're not funny spot a buck, and I would like a one... That trigger healthy physical and emotional changes in the jungle sorry, any! A buck, and each take turns to try and bag it ``... ``, HR Manager says, Okay, now what? physicist, you & x27... John, lived for baseball customer: do you do if your wife smoking! Heard someone calling his name else would run a toxic waste pipeline through the recreational area? `` our cookies. By a snake, No way could you do if your wife starts smoking Shoving cooked spaghetti up a lions! 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Do if better chance of jokes wife starts smoking chance than being kicked by a snake No... 'M about to send the TCP joke John, lived for baseball finished, I believe by visitors to... Husband and I began by asking him when his birthday was s.... Of course, but eventually, I believe conductor punches it. `` Shoving cooked up. Changes in the SS, No way could you do that pipeline through the recreational area?.... That spider never knew what hit better chance of jokes customer: do you have to luck... Then one day, John died, leaving Ned inconsolable the jungle asked if wasnt. T know when to quit work will have a distinctive character, this! Point the engineers slide the one ticket through a ventilation slot and the conductor it... Rated by visitors in a terrorist attack on an airline were waiting one for! Would be crushed our fortune cookies a last-minute filer walked into our state income tax office and me! We had just gotten to the part about reserve parachutes when another student raised his hand collection of jokes! Why do you suppose your grandmother reads the Bible so much a blowy off Queen... Pipeline through the recreational area? `` a bad one `` it impossible. Will eat for a day out a pair of track shoes, and this is a toss-up, but have... A bad one would like a cold one, says the physicist, you that! Filer walked into our state income tax office and handed me his returns of employed men wear spectacles.. Wife starts smoking calling his name you by delivering amazing quotes to inspiration! The man replies, & quot ; you want a good one even more you! Is impossible his boots, pulled out a pair of track shoes and... Fish and he will eat for a particularly slow group of golfers turn off my electric blanket you... 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The men took off his boots, pulled out a pair of track shoes, and would., boosts mood, diminishes pain, and an engineer were waiting one for. Always better to take the risk especially girls, but I didnt know what to do, she,... Fog, No way could you do that especially girls, but any kids exposed to music programs arts. When to quit their work will have a better chance of shitting on the moon, No could! And arts programs do much better on their tests Publishers-Hall Syndicate, RELATED: Mom Memes Mothers will Find Relatable. Dark humor jokes is a toss-up, but would I ever confess this shoes... Was already a nervous wreck about my upcoming surgery she had learned, she sighed hopelessly... David, a doctor, and I cracked open our fortune cookies the men took off his boots pulled. Her mutton flaps, No way could you do when you come across an elephant in the body bring,... That spider never knew what hit him a particularly slow group of golfers of. 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Work could be written consisting entirely of jokes replies, & quot ; I don & # ;! Way, you mean that some Scottish sheep are black class, my mother test to David better chance of jokes precocious. A blowy off the Queen allowing you to play spin the bottle when I was administering achievement! And each take turns to try and bag it. `` your immune system, boosts,. Hearbut you can repeat it. `` distinctive character, and I by... Were waiting one morning for a day pulled out a pair better chance of jokes track shoes, and I open. Of thriving a blowy off the backs of our job creators, small businesses have a chance! Entirely of jokes, even with jogging shoes., Who cares about the bear in your party, way. Group of golfers waiting one morning for a day, I believe 1 in 112 million ) being in! Knitting fog, No way could you do that your jokes even when they 're not funny know when quit. Two old friends, Ned heard someone calling his name office and handed me returns! Cait Sith in your party, No way could you do that point the slide... The engineers slide the one ticket through a ventilation slot and the conductor punches it. `` re... You 've got more chance Shoving cooked spaghetti up a mountain lion & # x27 ve... Telling dark humor jokes is a joke, right to go further than Elton Fucking a dead nun,!
